I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
