I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
thus making me awesome and them whores
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
