It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
