May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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