Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
