It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
