u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
