my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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