I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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