once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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