i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
