Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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