I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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