I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Michael Bay diarrhea
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
