i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Too much gin, very little bucket
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
