D3 body, D1 cock
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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