The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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