Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
