I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
