I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
love makes seman taste better
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
