The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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