We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
