you didnt know i had herpes?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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