I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
