yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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