you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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