Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
