Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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