Nicole vs. Life
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
