i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
