I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
