These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
