I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
