some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
