Apparently you make a good broom.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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