Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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