I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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