maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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