A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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