I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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