I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want to walk on stilts...naked
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
