Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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