On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
