Kiss
Puke
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
