You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
