I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
