I need help removing her.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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