Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
worst night to have a conscience
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize