i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
