It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
