his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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