I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize