I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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