OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
third nipple confirmed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize