It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
