Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
