are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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