I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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