So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Who died my cat blue again?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize