Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
