my being single is dangerous.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
