I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
