Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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