A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
