I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
