So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We have so much sex to catch up on
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
