I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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