I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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