he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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