You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
