please come you make the beer taste better
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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