What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
